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7 Techniques That Make Parenting a Child with ADHD Easier

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Children who suffer from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) struggle to concentrate and show signs of hyperactivity and impulsivity. At other times they might fall into a state of hyperfocus, usually when they find something that truly interests them. All of which leads to children with ADHD having trouble starting and finishing tasks, sleeping, and even struggling to make friends.

If you are a parent of a child with ADHD, you’re probably exhausted, stressed out, and constantly looking for new ways to help your child become more productive, more socially adept, and generally calmer and happier. To help them get there, we suggest seven ways you as a parent can make sure your child gets the best headstart possible.

1. Make Sure Their Day is Structured

Boy holding books.

Children with ADHD find it much easier to finish their tasks if they have a clear schedule of the day ahead. Try to create a schedule that has everything written down, not just the most important activities like school, baseball practice, or someone’s birthday. For example, include lunchtime, playtime, time for chores, homework. It might sound trivial, but your child will thrive if they can see their full schedule, from A to Z, in a visible place in your home. If they don’t have a set time for, say, homework, chances are their lack of focus will cause them to leave it for later or forget about it altogether.

2. Let Them Face Consequences

Girl with ADHD looking at a checkmark sound, representing a reward.

Be understanding but firm when it comes to consequences. Children with ADHD find it harder to finish their tasks, but learning about the consequences can help rewire their brains. So if they said they’d do the dishes, but they end up not doing it, consequences are in order.

The best thing to do is use logical consequences – for example, if they don’t do the dishes, there’ll be no dessert for the next three days. Don’t make the consequences too harsh, but hold your ground when it comes to them. You may feel like a bad parent for punishing them (“They have no control over it and I’m punishing them for it – I’m such a lousy parent”), but just remember you’re not doing it to hurt them – you’re doing it to help their brains understand there’s consequences to actions.

After experiencing some consequences and realizing they don’t enjoy them – because an ADHD brain is all about getting satisfaction here and now – they’ll be able to calculate that that same satisfaction is much more likely to come after they finish some chores!

3. Introduce rewards, too

Rewards can be just as effective as consequences, especially when you’re using both. The trouble with rewards, however, is that if you’re constantly handing them out, children will never develop a real motivation to do anything – they’ll only be doing it for the reward. That’s why giving rewards only occasionally is beneficial, so that the child doesn’t get used to them.

So while consequences are a good parenting technique when it comes to everyday things like chores or homework, rewards should be saved for when something out of the ordinary happens – they show a lot more effort than usual in school, they offer to help with the dishes without you asking them to, etc. It’s important to reward the effort rather than the achievement!

4. Take a break together

Young girl smiling and eating ice cream.

We often confuse taking a break with giving up, but these two couldn’t be more different. Everyone – even a machine – needs to take a break every once in a while. We lose our focus, get sleepy, and generally, lack motivation for a lot of things if we work too hard for a prolonged period of time.

ADHD makes it even more difficult, so make sure both you and your child pause for a while, whatever it is you’re currently doing. If you notice them or yourself getting tired, there’s no need to push it. Children with ADHD need some rest to be able to re-focus, and stressed-out parents do, too. So take a break for a while (but following tip #1, let them know how long it will last!) and play a game with your child or have an ice cream while enjoying nature.

5. Remove Distractions

Boy with ADHD doing homework while tiny people remove distractions (phone).

“Getting Distracted” is the middle name of almost any child, and when you combine it with ADHD, the usual result is that not much gets done. In order to help your child finish their homework or chores, remove the most common distractions – their phone, toys, laptop, or TV. It will help them focus and motivate them to finish the task in order to get back to their toys or games.

Before removing the distractions, make sure that you explain to them why that’s important and how it will help them, otherwise they might see it as punishment.

6. Spend More Time in Nature

It has been proven time and time again that green time is highly beneficial for children with ADHD. For one, they have plenty of space to spend their energy in. Maybe even more importantly, all that nature has a calming effect on children the same way it has on us adults, perhaps even more so on children who struggle with ADHD. You should try taking them to the park or a nearby woodland as often as you can, but it’s especially important when they’re upset and acting impulsively.

7. Ask for Help

Girl smiling and holding illustration of two hands gripping one another.

One major thing that parents of children with ADHD struggle with is understanding that asking for help does not make you an inadequate parent! You’ve got a lot on your plate, so having a friend, a family member, or even a coach help you out does not make you a failure. It simply means you love your child enough to understand that getting some help will benefit them. Have you recently caught yourself constantly waking up anxious? Or maybe not even wanting to get out of bed in the morning? These may be the consequences of some extreme stress you’re under. So even if it’s not just about your child, but about your own state of mind and happiness – ask for help. Do everything to make things easier on yourself.

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Just Remember…

Parenting is never easy, and with an ADHD child, it’s even more challenging. But with enough education, trial and error, and openness to others, it can become easier. Keep in mind that you can’t pour from an empty cup: make sure to take care of yourself. Self-care is contagious – if your child sees you’re happy and satisfied, they’ll want to take good care of themselves, too!

 

5 Things Your Child Needs (Depending on Their Age)

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It’s no secret that there are certain things that all children need, regardless of how old they are. These things are love, respect, support, and understanding. However, during the course of their development and growth, some needs are stronger than others and, according to a well-renowned psychologist, Erik Erikson, unless these needs are met, they’ll have trouble reaching their full potential in the next stages of their life.

These needs are, in order:

  • Trust
  • Autonomy
  • Initiative
  • Industry
  • Identity

There are three more phases for ages over 18 (Intimacy, Generativity, Integrity), but we will stick to the ones important before adulthood.

Trust

This stage lasts from birth until the child is (roughly) one and a half years old. During this time, the child is uncertain about – everything, really. Their entire world consists of an unintelligible mixture of colors, sounds, and touch. In this stage, their primary caregiver(s) are their only connection to the world they were thrown into and that’s when the feeling of trust develops. If they start noticing that their needs are consistently met (whether it be hunger or diapers), they can start trusting the world and people around them to help them when they need it. The trust they develop will also lead to hope and optimism.

Autonomy

This stage is a challenge for many parents. After the first stage and up until their third year, children will start exploring. If they’ve developed enough trust, they’ll have no problem walking away from their parents, playing alone, or asking to try new things by themselves, such as putting on their clothes or making something by themselves.

As much as parents want to be there for their child, allowing them to be autonomous in this period is very important, as it will later on lead to them developing the will to try and do something new and challenging.

Here’s a few ways you can help them along the way:

  • If your child says they want to dress themselves, don’t jump in as soon as you see them struggling. Wait until they ask for assistance. If you don’t, they might start feeling powerless rather than autonomous.
  • You may notice your child is starting to play on their own, maybe even break their toys in an attempt to create something new. This is nothing to worry about! They’re simply trying out their strength and skills and trying to see what will happen if they do this or that. By understanding their own abilities, they’ll be on their way to becoming confident and empathetic.

Initiative

Once they’re trusting and autonomous enough, children will start exploring the world of initiative. During this period, they’ll be practicing their interpersonal skills by initiating games, conversations, and different activities. You can help them fulfill this need by doing the following:

  • If you notice that your child is showing initiative which might be dangerous for them (maybe something that includes running across the street), don’t simply criticize them and tell them NO. Instead, try to help them think of something similar, yet less dangerous, like running around the swings in a park, or in their backyard. Make sure to do this in a positive way by explaining to them why you are changing their idea. For example, you can say: “The road can be dangerous, but running is a great idea! How about we do it in the backyard?”
  • Spend more time with them, even if you don’t find their games interesting (or if they don’t make sense). If they’ve initiated some made-up game and they invited you to play with them, don’t explain to them that the rules don’t make sense etc. Be proud that your child is taking initiative.
  • This is the period when they’ll be playing with other children as well. If you see them attempting to “sell” their idea and another child opposing them, don’t jump right in to defend them. They’ll struggle with initiative, but letting them do things themselves is very important during this period.

 

That being said, if things get loud and violent, it’s okay to calm the situation down by acting as a mediator – we don’t need any bruises over the choice of a game!

 

The challenge for parents during this time is trying to protect their children while, at the same time, allowing them to express themselves. If you manage to do this, your child will develop a sense of purpose.

Industry

Between the ages of 5 and 12, the child’s teachers and peer group start gaining more significance. This period will be similar to the stage of autonomy, as the child will also start exploring their skills and abilities, but this time they’ll have a clear goal: to impress others and gain confidence. You can help them with it in the following ways:

– Praise their strengths. If you notice your child is great at writing, don’t simply accept it as if it were expected. Praise their stories, their poems, their A’s. If you’re not sure where their strengths lie, talk to their teachers and ask for their opinions.

– Try to understand what things they are not particularly confident about. If they feel bad for being the smallest kid in class, don’t joke by saying something like, “Hey, then you can be the best miniature golfer in the world!” It’s okay to joke about short-term situations – them getting a C, for example – as that breaks the tension. But since this is something very important to them and they might be living through it for years, joking might make it worse.

Instead, focus on their strengths when talking about it. Tell them that it doesn’t matter how tall someone is if they are the greatest writer ever, or if they are an amazing soccer player. However, if that trait is something they can change, make a game-plan. For example, if they are not too confident about dancing, you can try watching some YouTube tutorials and practicing together.

If your child is aware of their strengths and weaknesses (and how to improve them), this period will result in competence.

Identity

Finally, during adolescence, your child will start to struggle with developing their own sense of identity. They’ll try to figure out where they fit in and what their role in society is. Furthermore, they’ll be looking for their calling and looking for people whose life philosophy matches their own.

The important things to do during this period are:

  • Trust your child and speak to them without accusations and a lack of understanding. If your child is suddenly dressing in all black and listening to some strange music, try not to attack them over it. Since they’ve already developed a sense of trust, you can sit them down and ask them what they like about that music and style of clothes. Try to phrase your questions in such a way to demonstrate that you want to understand them, not pry into their life. Ask if you can get their playlist – who knows, maybe you’ll find something you’ll enjoy!
  • If you notice they aren’t speaking to you as much as they used to, don’t take it personally – they’ll start turning to their friends much more during this period. The best thing you can do is remind them that you are always there if they need to talk to you and that you would love to be a part of their life. Don’t push or pressure them. During this period, your biggest challenge will be the virtue of patience.

Chances are, your child will go through many different changes in this period, which is perfectly normal, since everything else in their life is changing as well – their body, thoughts, expectations… For parents, this might be the most challenging period of all. But if you have patience and talk with them often, you’ll help them find themselves and develop a sense of fidelity.

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