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Are you happy?

It’s such an important question – something we should be asking ourselves daily to make sure we’re taking care of our mental wellbeing. And yet, with our lives being extremely busy, and with our 24/7 availability, we forget to ask it. We find ourselves caught on a treadmill – wake up, eat, work, back home, watch Netflix, go to sleep, repeat.

Is there any way to escape that routine and improve our lives? Sure there is – and what better time to talk about it than on International Day of Happiness!

Without further ado, here are six ways to find happiness in our busy world.

1. Find something that gets you in the state of flow

If you’re not familiar with this term, take a look at one of our previous articles. In short, the state of flow happens when you’re so interested in an activity, so invested in it, that the outside world ceases to exist and you lose track of time completely!

But when was the last time you caught yourself in such a blissful state?

We all flow down here.

As adults, we tend to forget that life shouldn’t just be about work, our next paycheck, and all our to-do lists. If you loved drawing as a kid, take it up again! Maybe you love jogging, or simply listening to music with no other distractions.

The list of possibilities is endless. So find something that makes you forget about the outside world and don’t give it up!

2. Don’t steer away from life’s challenges

We all want to live happy lives, and it may seem counterintuitive to say that life’s challenges and even the pain that comes along are a necessary part of it.

If you’ve never faced any obstacle that you overcame after some serious struggle, how are you going to feel a real sense of accomplishment and self-esteem? Besides, only sticking to what we know we can do, we’re limiting ourselves from ever trying something new, and – who knows! – maybe even finding out it’s the most exciting thing we’ve ever done!

The bottom line is – don’t settle. Set goals for yourself even if they don’t seem easily achievable, and with every step along the way, you’ll be feeling prouder and more fulfilled.

3. Surround yourself with caring people

This should go without saying – even for us introverts who prefer staying indoors to going out, friends and family are an essential part of a full life. And though it’s easier to react to someone’s story or send them a message rather than agree on when you can meet and actually go through with it, the physical presence of others is extremely important for our mental health.

Studies have shown that in extreme instances, loneliness can be just as bad as smoking. Imagine that! And it’s no wonder, really – we live in cities with millions of people, we see hundreds of them daily, and yet, striking a chord with a certain person and becoming close is becoming increasingly difficult.

So don’t settle for social media. Call up your friends, or even those you don’t really know yet but who simply seem like great people, go out with them, and have fun! But keep in mind that your me-time is also very important. If you notice your social battery has been drained, it’s perfectly fine to go back home and recharge it for a while.

4. Don’t compare yourself with others

You know the drill – you go on social media to look at some funny pictures and cute cats. Next thing you know, you’re being bombarded with perfect-looking people dining at a 7-star hotel in the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen! They’re overlooking the beach, enjoying a fabulous meal and being so, so happy!

Does that ring a bell?

What we don’t understand is that we’re comparing ourselves to an illusion.You can’t possibly know what happens behind that photo. Just because someone is sitting at a beautiful beach resort doesn’t necessarily mean they’re happy. That takes a lot more than a great view!

This woman faked an entire trip to Bali by careful posing at an IKEA – so that’s something to think about!

But what about people you know well – say, your sister? She’s married to a great guy, has lovely kids, lives in the most elegant house you’ve ever seen, and she even looks amazing! Not to mention she’s going on trips every two months! How can you not compare yourself to her?

For one, by comparing the two of you, you’re not getting any closer to achieving your own goals. Chances are you’re so stuck being unhappy about yourself that you don’t have the energy to change something. You can be happy for her, but it’s okay to still want something similar. Instead of thinking endlessly of everything she has and is and you aren’t, make a plan for yourself – or even a vision board!

You want to live abroad? Learn to play the piano? Shed some weight? Great, that’s already a goal – all you need now is a plan to stick to! If you’re struggling with doing that, here’s something that might help. Changing our perspective from envy to a motivation to change something is a huge step towards being happier and better about ourselves.

5. Acknowledge the negative feelings

Another consequence of focusing on those picture-perfect lives we see on social media is that we start thinking that, by feeling sad, angry, or even jealous we’re somehow betraying the sanctity of a #grateful life. It takes years of meditation at the top of a mountain to almost eradicate negative feelings – so how can you expect yourself, with all your daily struggles and stresses, to always feel happy and content?

It may sound like I’m defeating the very purpose of this article, but the bottom line is: only by acknowledging our negative feelings and understanding what lies behind them, can we solve the issues we have and move towards being happier.

This is something our Coaches can help you with – and the first consultation is free!

SOLVING LIFE’S STRUGGLES STARTS HERE

So if you’re sad about your friend moving away, it’s okay to sulk and cry for a bit! If you’re angry at your husband for forgetting your birthday, be angry! As long as you work through it by addressing the issue that caused a certain feeling, you’re on your way to a happier life and better relationships.

6. Live in the present

Not the future or the past! We spend most of our lives thinking about the mistakes we’ve made or the mistakes we might make, but that in itself is a mistake. By spending so much time in our own head, we often forget to enjoy the things we’re experiencing right now.

Just think about all the things you could enjoy far more if you stop overthinking for just a second: beautiful sunsets, that new song you’ve been hearing on the radio, the food you’re eating… Not to mention that the time you spend with those you love will give you a lot more satisfaction if you’re mentally there, rather than at work.

It’s easier said than done, but some simple exercises in mindfulness can help you change the way you’re thinking.

Do you have any tips you’d like to share with our readers about what happiness is and how we can live happier, more fulfilled lives? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

In this article, we’ve decided to tackle the topic of good and bad perfectionism. People tend to have very black-and-white views when it comes to this. They think perfectionism is either a great thing that helps us become better, or that it’s a horrible habit which may lead us into depression and anxiety. But as with most things in life, it’s not that simple. There’s the good kind and the bad kind, and we’ll help you learn how to tell them apart and strive for the good one.

Perfectionism As We Know It

Let’s first start with a widely accepted definition of perfectionism. Perfectionism refers to the desire to achieve the highest standards of performance while being extremely critical about one’s performance. [1] Therefore, if you’re a perfectionist, you’ll be setting unrealistically high goals for yourself. Chances are, you’ll also be judging your performance more critically than anyone else, which will lead you to become easily dissatisfied with your actions and achievements.

So, in essence, you’re trying to reach something virtually impossible and getting angry at yourself when you make even the slightest mistake. What a paradox!

From this definition, it’s clear that what we usually think of as perfectionism is, in fact, bad for our health and our happiness. Not only are you dissatisfied when you make a mistake (even if you’re the only one who sees it), but even when you are performing well, you’re constantly feeling stressed out. “I can’t make a mistake!” “What if I look silly in front of my co-workers?” “What if I mess this up?”. It’s a lose-lose situation.

What Makes Perfectionism Bad?

So, the bad form of perfectionism stems from a striving that’s turned into a demand. [2] If you keep telling yourself, “I must do this perfectly!”, you’ll be causing yourself a lot of anxiety, maybe even insomnia and depression. Bad perfectionism has as a consequence low self-esteem, unhappiness, and a tendency to react more negatively to feedback. [3]

But if you are only striving for perfection and not demanding it, you’ll be able to work toward accepting yourself with all your flaws much more often. Moreover, you’ll stop seeing each mistake as a failure and accept it for what it is – a normal thing that can happen to anyone and is in no way the end of the world!

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

It may be clear now that the main difference between bad and good perfectionism lies in self-acceptance. [2] You can still have perfectionistic goals, but if you also want to be happier, have better relationships, and be far less stressed out, you’ll also need to develop the ability to accept yourself and your actions non-judgmentally. You can decide to work harder and do better next time, but you won’t be putting yourself down and feeling worthless, and that’s a huge difference.

If you often find yourself feeling like this and it’s bringing you down, there are ways to change this behavior. Reach out to one of our Coaches and schedule a free 30-minute consultation, which can help you see the possibilities of overcoming the tendency.

Self-Oriented, Other-Oriented, and Socially Prescribed Perfectionism

Another important thing to mention is that perfectionism toward oneself is not the only form of perfectionism. You can also be perfectionistic towards others, which is referred to as Other-Oriented Perfectionism. [2] This can happen to parents, romantic partners, bosses… Instead of placing huge demands on yourself, you may be putting them on others.

Sometimes, parents can, out of the best of intentions, place enormous pressure on their children. “You need to win this game!”, “You have to become valedictorian!”. It can even happen in everyday situations: “You must make a perfect dinner for your husband’s family this Thanksgiving!”

Other-Oriented Perfectionism can result in a child being overly concerned about making a mistake, and always be thinking they’re not good enough, no matter what they do.

Or maybe you were this child. Maybe you had parents or teachers who always expected perfect results, or maybe you have a boss who does the same! This would be the kind of perfectionism called Socially Prescribed Perfectionism. [2] You notice that others have set very high standards for you, and you’re doing your best to prove capable of reaching them, even if it is affecting your health and happiness.

Turning the Bad Into Good

The good news is, you can still strive for more, and encourage your kids to do the same. The formula remains the same: show acceptance, both for yourself and for your children. Give your children time to accept that they’re not perfect before you suggest some things they might think about changing next time. Give them the chance to accept the defeat on their own terms, and help them by hugging them and telling them you are proud of the effort they put into it. Start by letting them know that you accept them – and then maybe take them out for some ice cream. That tends to help as well!

The same thing goes for you. Set realistic goals for yourself and accept that, like every other human being on this planet, you’ll sometimes make mistakes and take more time to reach those goals than you were planning. It doesn’t make you any less good; if anything, it makes you more human.

To Conclude…

… Accepting yourself and others is an essential part of becoming (and raising) healthy, happy, and successful people. Take care of your health and happiness first – and reaching your goals will turn out to be far easier.

References:

Antony, M., Purdon, C., Huta, V., & Swinson, R. (1998). Dimensions of Perfectionism Across the Anxiety Disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, Vol. 36, pp. 1143-1154
Lundh, L. (2004). Perfectionism and Acceptance. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, Vol. 22, 4, pp.255-267.
Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive Conceptions of Perfectionism: Approaches, Evidence, Challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, Vol. 10, No. 4, pp. 295–319

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